Santa_12

1. One sardar did not knew how to write a 11, because he did not know where to put the first 1 .

2. Mrs Kartar Singh had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater .


3. Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it .'

4. 'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' 'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

5. Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'


6. The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I wont to know where to get off.'


7. Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'


8. An angry SM confronts the Sardar who says, "Saab main theekh hee chala rahatha jab main ne dekha ke ek aadmi tracks par khada hai". But the SM retorts "To toone ek aadmi ke liye itnee logon ki jaane mushkil main daali, abe saale le jaana tha uske upar say". "Saab main bhi yehi socha lekin jab train nazdeek aayi to voh saala bhagnay laga", says the Sardarji.


9. One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend: "Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?" His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."


10. Q : How can you recognize an surd in a submarine?
A : He is the one with the parachute on his back.

11. A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our sardar says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"


12. Santa Singh is the aggressive participant on Kaun Banega..
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal: Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!

13. Sardar Banta Singhs boss was always irritated by him, Coz Banta Singh was a major liar. Banta Singh used to claim that he knew Bill Clinton, Atal Bihari Vajaypee, The Pope etc... SO one day his boss decided to test him. He asked Banta Singh to take him to Vajaypee. Banta took him to Delhi and visited Vajaypee at his residence. Vajaypee personally welcomed Banta and asked him to stay for lunch.Not still convinced his boss asked to meet Bill Clinto. In the White House , Bill Clinton was excited to see Banta and took him to the Oval Room. He knew Banta like childhood friends. The boss still not convinced asked Banta to take him to meet the Pope. In rome the Pope appeared in front of thousands of visitors at his balcony on the third floor, Banta not able to get attention from the Pope, decides to go to the balcony where Pope was standing. Banta asks his boss to wait. In 5 minutes he sufaces on the balcony next to the Pope. The pope greets and hugs him. Suddenly he notices his Boss collapsed on the ground. On the way to the hospital he asks his boss, "What Happened?" his boss replies, " Everything was fine..Untill when u surfaced next to the Pope, A man standing next to me, asked, Who is that man standing next to Banta Singh??? "

14. A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!


15. How do you get a Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.


16. Why did the sardar stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.

17. A man asked a sardar: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
"No, who wrote it?"

18. The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh "Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?".


19. Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be," said Banta with joy," I have been illiterate for so long."

20. Mr. Jaswant Singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items.
Singh asked, " Where is the fat?"
The person didn't understand what Singh was saying and said, " Excuse me sir, FAT???"
Sardar: "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Sardar about the problem.
Then sardar said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.


21. Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the defeat of Bill Clinton."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away. Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan." God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away. Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state." Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying ? " God replies: " Son, I will not see it in my lifetime "