Santa_5

1. Santa ji naukri dhoond rahe they, India mein to kahi se call aayee nahin..."yahaan to companiya mere standard kee nahin hai khair !!"
Ab aaayee videsh ki baari... wahan se to ji pehali baar mein hi reply aa gaya. bade khush...daru-sharu di party de dali. dost poocchne lagge ki, bhai, bata to kon si company hai, kitni salary hai...vagairah-2. To Santa ne apni Appointment Letter sab ko dikhayi. English mein likha tha --- "Dear Mr. Santa, You do not meet our requirements no further correspondence will be entertained"
Sab Santa ke dost daaru pi ke to pad nahin sakte the aur wo bhi English????
So Santa ne TRANSLATE kiya Santa: Arey Angrezi ich letter aayeaa haiga, main hune tonuu translate kaar ke suna riya haaan .. To suno ki likhya hai......
"Dear Mr. Santa" ---- Sade pyarey Mishterrr Santa
"You do not meet" ----- tum to milte hi nahin ho...bahut busy ho.
"our requirements" ----- Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai.
"no further correspondence" ----- Aage chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao
"will be entertained"---- Bahut khatir ki jayegi
2. One evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...
Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually?
Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.
Friend: 'Is it! Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?'
Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.
3. How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways??
He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!
4.
Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion'
Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'
Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'
Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.
Banta : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.....
Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
5.
One day a Sardarji talking with his friend.......
Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months.

6. One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing "
Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

7. After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

8. There were 2 surd, both of them were good hunters, one of them Mr.Daka Singh killed only lions & tigers, and one Mr. Laka Singh killed only deers. Once they both met. Laka Singh asked Daka Singh how is that you only kill lions & tigers and I kill only deers. Tell me the trick. He told him just go to a cave and imitate the noise of a sheep the lion comes out of the cave and shoot him then that quite easy. After 2 months daka singh got the news that Laka Singh was in the hospital on questioning him he exclaimed I did the same thing you told me. I just outside a big cave and imitated the noise of a sheep but I did not know that deccan queen was coming out from the cave.

9. BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE.
Friend: What are you looking at?
Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

10. BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Beppo Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

11. BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED.
Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

12. BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON.
Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

13. BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR.
Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Beppo Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

14. Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television saying ...'You are watching the Star World channel'? "How can he know what I am watching?"

15. A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."

16. Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?". The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him."
The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?".
Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

17. These days sardar does'nt sleeps with his wife because he says it is wrong to sleep with a married woman

18. Three sardarji's were fast approching long distance leaving train, two of them got into the train & third one remain on the platform, suddenly he started crying, people around when asked him the reason for crying, he mention that two of my freinds got into the train leaving me on the plateform.
Everybody advised him to take it easy & look for the next train. suddenly sardarji started laughing loudly, when people ask him with surprise he mention that actually i was suppose to go in that train, my other two freinds had come to see off me.

19. There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion they finally decided to start a hotel.They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.The story was the same the next day. A week passed,but nobody turned up.
WHY ? ..........
B'coz there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ? ...
B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.
They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati ShivajiTerminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi!!
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb an decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move.They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'coz two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

20. Sardarji Proffesor Inside the Class :
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class ..)
Both of u three, get out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....