Santa_6

1. About his family :
I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
2. At the ground :
All of you, stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the ball. To a boy, angrily :
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
3. Giving a punishment :
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and under-stand the tree...
You three of you, stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

Sir at his best :
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school... (to that boy) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

4. A Sardarji, a Muslim, a Hindu and an American were flying. Suddenly the plane's engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they realise that there are no parachutes on the plane.
Sardar being little bold thinks "saala marna tey haiga, why not try something". He unties his turban and holds the ends, making it like a Parachute, and jumps out. Luckily the idea works and he floats down like on a parachute.
Seeing this, Hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating.
Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating.
Now comes American's turn. Poor chap is wearing torn Bermudas and a tattered T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps. But it does not hold and he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Muslim, who says "Allah tumhari khair kare". Another 1000 feet and he passes the Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare".
Falling rapidly, he quickly passes the Sardarji. Sardarji says "accha aey gul eh.....race lagani haigi, le phir"......... and leaves the turban.

5. Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband."Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
6. "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

7. A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him.
8. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."


9. Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahi pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahi pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

10. A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the temple... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving... I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord: "SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".

11. Jogi Singh was making a documentary on Indian tribes. For this, he went to the deep jungles for the details. One day, Jogi Singh was walking along with two tribals in the jungle, when, all of a sudden, one of the tribal took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. The tribal stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. Jogi Singh was puzzled and asked the other tribal what that was all about, was that person mad or something. "No", said the other tribal. "It is mating time for us tribals and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time, the other tribal saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. Jogi Singh started running around the forest looking for a cave to find these women that the tribals had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those tribals found. There must really be something really great in this cave!" Well... he took-off up the hill with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of,"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, "NAKED SARDARJI RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN CROSSING A TUNNEL"!!!!!!

12. Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied. The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

13. Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."

14. A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid," he said. "You should not take this so earnest," answered the neighbouring minister . "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you." Saying so he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home. "The driver immediately went on his way. The surd prime minister was satisfied and says, "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier to ring."

15. A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was "There should not be last coach in any train."

16. Santa singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne wala gadha" (One who reads it is an ass). Santa singh thought for an hour, erased and wrote back, "Likhene waala gadha" (One who wrote it is an ass)."

17. A surd walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. A coke pops out. The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. A man walks up behind the surd and watches his doing for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts "Can you not see that I am winning."

18. An surd goes to a barber shop wearing walkman headphones. He tells the hairdresser "Cut my hair please, but do not remove the headphones." The hairdresser does his job but needs to get under the headphones to finish his work. He removes the headphones thinking that the surd will never even notice.. The surd falls to the floor, chokes, turns blue and dies. The hairdresser picks up the headphones to see what he was listening to and hears "Breath In, Breath Out, Breath In, Breath Out....."

19. Shatabdi express from Bombay to Delhi stopped amidst thick forest. Suddenly few dacoits enter the train with syringes filled with blood. They announce that they have HIV infected blood in the syringe, any passenger not willing to give his belongings will be injected and has to suffer from AIDS. One Saradarji sitting in a corner seat smiles. All passengers start giving their belongings. Docoits start collecting from one by one but our Saradarji refuses to give in even though he did not have much belongings. Dacoits warn him that they will inject him with the blood but Sardarji starts laughing. The dacoits inject him with the virus and take off. All passengers gather round him and ask why he refused to separate with his belongings at the cost of his life . The Sardar replies, "You see they didn't know that I was wearing a condom!!"

20. One sardar came to madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.his tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price . Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. "Our sardar asked whether he will give two."